Three Wishes (Dear Dad)

I wish I could remember how it felt when you died. 

How I told myself I will stop taking people, including myself, for granted.

How I will spend as much time with the people I love as I can. 

How I will tell those people that I love them, often.

How I will call mom.

How I will work hard on the things I want to achieve.

How I will not work too hard. 

How I will live for myself as much as possible, and stop making decisions based on what I imagine others expect of me.  

How I will make you proud.

How I will spend more time celebrating my successes than wallowing in my failures.

How I will not let myself sit in comfort until it becomes a rut.

How I will see as much of the world as I can, without being a dick about it.

How I will be as careful with my own heart as I am with the hearts of others.

How I will let myself feel...more. 

How I will actually express those feelings and stop bottling them up. 

How I will let myself be happy when I am happy.

How I will make the most of my health while I still have it, and take care to nurture it when it begins to fade.

How I will stretch. 

How I will not let myself become consumed by the fear of dying at an early age. 

How I will stop worrying about...everything.

Actually.

I wish I couldn't remember how it felt when you died.

I wish I could remember the sound of your voice.